Carrots are good for your eyes.
But Popeye eats all his spinach!
Here comes the airplane/train (actually, a spoon with a fetid object upon it)!
Eat all your dinner or no dessert.
You COME when I call YOU, you HEAR???!!!
Go to your room and don't come out until I say so.
Do I need to tell your father?
I'm very disappointed in you.
I can't believe you lost it.
You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on tight.
No, because if we get a puppy then I'LL end up walking and bathing and feeding it.
Kootchie coo!
Mind the babysitter. We'll be back soon! Love you! Be good!
Electrical sockets are not for baby.
That's just for looks.
Don't put that UGH!!!! in your MOUTH!
Who squirted toothpaste all over the rug?
I'm going to count to three...
Cut it out!
I swear you kids are going to drive me crazy one day. That's what you're doing, isn't it? Trying to drive me crazy!
It's bea--YOO-tiful! Show Daddy! (a crayon artwork masterpiece was displayed proudly)
No, you did not wash your hands. Never mind how I know. Now, go wash your hands. USE SOAP!
NO.
If all your friends jumped off the Eiffel Tower, would you jump too?
God made you WITHOUT holes in your ears/
a picture of Ozzy Osbourne on your arm and until you are 18, you will not have holes in your ears / a man spitting a bat's head out of his mouth on your arm.
What is that awful racket!? (Metallica being played.)So, is this your hero or something? (Pointing to picture of Duran Duran with friends present)
(The wash-your-face-with-spit routine. Oh, MAAAA!)
Sit up straight.
I don't care what the other kids are wearing. No child of mine is going to wear his pants backwards/ a hat inside a house/ a nose ring/ a rattail/ an X shirt/ his shoelaces untied/ underwear on the outside of her clothing/ a mini skirt..
What is it, Halloween?
Eat your beets.
Of course you're going to church.
Are you ogling? What have I told you about copping ogles. I dress like this to honor God. (especially boys)
Stop your mesmerizing (or staring at women) and quit being so rude.
I have eyes in the back of my head, that's how.
You can do much better than "C"'s, God gave you a good brain. Use it.
Stop slouching.
If you read in the dark, you'll hurt your eyes. (Untrue, but if you read a lot, you will probably be myopic! Illiterates rarely have myopia.)
Don't slam the door. Come back here and close it nicely.
Do you know what happened to all the cookies?
Don't sit so close to the TV, you'll ruin your eyes! I don't know how you can read/ watch that trash.
In my day, we walked uphill ten miles to school in the snow, BOTH WAYS!
A little hard work never killed anybody.
Rise and shine! The early bird catches the worm!
The other children aren't laughing AT you, they are laughing WITH you!
You tell that bully to leave you alone or you'll tell the teacher on him!
If the teacher ever calls home again, I'll kill ya!
Go to your thinking spot and think about what you did for ten minutes. (Sometimes following a whipping.)
(Uses embarrassing nickname in front of your friends.)
I'll tuck you in in just a second.
Stop running in the house!
Did I raise you kids in a barn?
Look at this mess! Pick up your room, you'd think a little pig lived here.
Kiss Auntie Bertha, she loves you. (Auntie Bertha smells like perfume so strong you almost choke and fawns over you and doesn't know you exist.)
Hang up your clothes!
Your father is a busy man.
Take out the trash.
What on earth do you need $30 to go to the Mall for?? (especially girls)
Don't get lost! Look both ways before crossing the street.
Watch your little brother for me while I go to the store.
Say You're sorry.
Put it back.
Put that down. Hold the baby/kitty like THIS, not by its leg/tail.
Come here this instant. I said, Come here. Did you hear me? Come here. I won't tell you again! - good!
When I was a kid seeing a movie cost only 5 cents.
"Please don't tell daddy, Oh I've already learned my lesson." (her response, If you've already learned your lesson, how come you keep doing it."
What's for dinner? - It's a surprise!
Why didn't you go before we got in the car?
I don't care what your friend has, you aren't getting one!
No, and that's final!
One more word out of you kids and there'll be trouble.
Who taught you to sit/walk/talk like that!!!!
Cut it out right this minute.
Stop bugging your little sister.
What do you say? What's the magic word?
Say "excuse me".
Eat your peas. There are children starving in Bosnia/China/Ethiopia/Russia/India/parts of our great country (USA)
Half begun is half done.
Don't lie to me young man/lady!
Why don't you watch something educational for a change. Like Public Broadcasting on TV! Mel Torme is on tonight.
What do you mean "Elvis isn't cool"? He was cool when I was a kid! Does that mean that hula hoops aren't cool anymore either?
Go scrub that paint off your face this instant. No daughter of mine is going to shave her legs (or wear stilettos) until she's at least thirteen! (Moral: don't ask!)
That bathing suit's too skimpy, hon. Try this one.
Purple's not your color, you look sallow.
Now son, parkas will never go out of style.
See, it matched your wide wale corduroy trousers with the flares I got you last week!
Cut your hair! You look like a hippie. No son of mine is going to walk around looking like a Yeti.
Stand up straight and stop slouching.
A little bit of hard work never hurt anyone.
Save a lot, spend a little.
Don't run with that. You'll poke your eye out.
We worried sick!
What will the neighbours think?
"What did you DO until 4 AM?"
Is having a good time all you think about?
You're no child of mine!!! Well... What seems to be the problem with you?
I'm really worried about your grades!
I give you a simple job to do, and you can't even do it!
There are lots of boys who would love to change places with you! Where did we go wrong? keep doing that and you'll go blind!
"Still Crying?" Whack!!! " The spanking will continue until YOU STOP CRYING!"
Depressed for no reason? I'll give you a reason to be depressed!
You're going to enjoy this holiday if I have to break every bone in your body!
I'm God Almighty as far as you're concerned! (I. e. do what I say!)
Nothing if you do, HELL if you don't.
This is the worst looking pig stye I have ever seen!
Bill, er John, er.. David.. uh.. whats your name, get over here! (siblings names)
Do you know how many HOURS I was in labour with you???
I slave for hours over a hot stove and this is the thanks I get?!
Eat it and don't argue, it's good for you.
Whatever doesn't kill you will just make you stronger. Variation: Shovelling snow/ mowing the lawn/ (any other back-breaking labour) builds character!
Do you have to do that? (regarding most tom-boyish activities)
Are you really going to wear that?
I thought these shoes were ugly, so I knew you'd like them.
Honestly, sometimes I think you need Garanimals tags on your clothes.
You're so stubborn, you'd argue with the Pope.
When it's cold outside, don't stick your tongue to metal (I'd *never* thought of it before... but I was thinking of it now!!!)
It's always fun until somebody gets hurt.
You. Kid! Whatever your name is!
The difference between think and know is, he thinks he's your father, I know I'm your mother.
Some day I will throw this ridiculous machine (my computer) out of window.
Turn the music off! I SAID TURN THE MUSIC OFF!
I hate computers.
Stop it or I will give you away to the next band of gypsies that come by.
You did WHAT! "Go tell your father he wants you now." [in response to the I don't want to wash my hands....]
"Okay, only wash one of them" [In response to "where is my....?" type questions]
"the uterus is not a homing device."
There'll be tears before bedtime! (threatened spankings - sometimes the threat worked)
You'll have your eye out with that! (any dangerous activity)
When you grow up, I hope you have two, JUST LIKE YOU!!!
Are you sure you're telling the truth?
Think hard.
Does it make you happy to know you're sending me to an early grave?
You feel bad? How do you think I feel?
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Don't you know any better?
Why did the kitty get run over? It was God's will.
How could you be so thoughtless?
If that's the worst pain you'll ever feel, you should be thankful.
You can't fool me. I know what you're thinking.
If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all.
When are you going to grow up?
I'm only doing this for your own good.
Why are you crying? Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
What's wrong with you? Someday you'll thank me for this.
You'd lose your head if it weren't attached.
Don't you have any sense at all?
If you keep sucking your thumb, it'll fall off.
Why? Because I said so.
I hope you have a kid just like yourself.
Good children always obey.
Are you lying, or are you just think you can fool me?
Quit acting so childish.
Boys don't cry. [as I break into a Cure tune...]
If you keep making faces, someday it'll freeze that way.
Why do you have to know so much?
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Why? Because I'm bigger than you." [variation: "Because I'm the Dad/Mom." ]
(After a spanking.) Now are you happy?
Oh, grow up. I'm only doing this because I love you.
In my day we didn't have money to throw around. We were so poor my sister and I had to share a pair of shoes to get to school, and half way there we traded so we could hop on the other foot.
Does it look like I'm made of money?
Money doesn't grow on trees you know.
You better pull that bottom lip in,, a pigeon's gonna fly over and poop all over it, it's hanging out so far.
If you wouldn't put your hand in the way when I spank you, you wouldn't get it hit with the belt.
That's not music; that's just NOISE! "
Shut your mouth and eat." (Huh?? )
(Attributed to John Lennon's Mother): "The guitar is all very well, John, but you'll never make a living out of it."
Because you are taller than me.
I don't care if the POPE is doing it/going there! You're not!
